By popular demand (I’m popular, and I’m demanding it) I bring to you the return of the “Fizzy Yellow Beer T-Shirt Amnesty Program.” Historically, it was an amnesty program that allowed those that had recently converted to real beer to turn in their old corporate fizzy yellow beer T-shirts. But today, the need is greater than ever, and it’s no longer just about fizzy yellow beer.
Face it, there are brands out there you used to love. They meant something to you, and you thought they stood for something. And then the rug was pulled out from under you, all for a stinkin’ big fat check. What did you get for your fandom? Jack. And now wearing that sell-out brand’s T-shirt doesn’t feel quite so cool does it? Of course not. They’re sell-outs. That’s simple math.
Never fear. I am here for you. I am always here for you. I remain as steadfast, as independent, and as arrogant as ever. In more simple math: 1000% + Infinity. That’s how much. Put it in your calculator and it’ll spit out the answer “Rock. Fucking. Solid.” Try it. A friend told me that unless your calculator is broken, it will.
Whatever. I don’t use calculators.
What are we going to do with all the T-shirts that people turn in for this Amnesty program? We’re going to box them up and send them to:
1 Heineken Place
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Golden Road, Goose Island, Wicked Weed, Elysian, 10 Barrel, etc, etc.
The Brazilians in Belgium Who Own The Brewery Formerly Known As Anheuser-Busch Ambev Inbev ABInbev
Or we’ll just donate them to needy folks in some far off part of the world where it’s understandable they don’t keep track of such things. Doesn’t really matter as the only important thing is you won’t have to wear them anymore.
Enough talk and enough hand holding. Follow the instructions and be cleansed.